Oct 3, 2008

TOP 10 THINGS GUYS LIE ABOUT

10. Flossing. Just ask your local dentist how many times they’ve heard this little “white lie”. A guy could have his teeth falling out from gum disease and he says he still flosses 2-3 times a week. “Yea….right!”

9. Age. Lying about your age has always been way up the list for what women lie about. But, a lot of men lie about their age also. I’ve determined that lying 2-3 years away from your actual age is not too bad. A man that is trying to pass for 5+ years younger then his actual age is pretty pathetic. But, the worst category is trying to pass yourself as 10+ or more then your actual age. This guy’s name is David Hasslehoff.

8. Height. The majority of short guys usually have serious mental problems. These guys have probably been picked on or bullied their entire life. Inadequacy, self-esteem issues and “Napoleon” complex afflicts this group of men. On the opposite side (sex), I once had a good female friend in college that would always say her height was 5′ 14″. Hehehe.

7. Income. This category includes all types of money or income lies. The most common income lie is how much money you make. But, a lot guys also lie about how much they spend on certain toys and vices (cars, porn, gambling, etc.)

6. Intelligence. Most of the items that we all lie about are typically vanity items or control/power issues. Men are no exception. Lying about your “smarts” includes lying about SAT and ACT scores, G.P.A, non-existent college degrees, etc.

5. Cosmetic/Beauty. This item will probably get the most discussion/debate. Most Top 10 list would probably not have this item near the top of the list (close to #1). But, cosmetic/beauty items that men lie about is a very diverse category. This list includes: cosmetic surgery (lypo, nose surgery, etc.), coloring hair/beard, waxing, pedicures, manicures, teeth whitening, sun tanning, etc.

4. Weight. On the list, lying about your weight is separated a little from it’s two other siblings (age & height). Men who lie about weight could go up or down. Most men don’t lie about being older than what they are, just younger. Most men also don’t lie about being shorter than their actual height. But, lying about weigh is probably split 60/40. 60% of men are overweight and under report their actual weight. Approximately 40% of the male population that are under 150 lbs, lie that they actually weigh more then their actual weight. This is called the “runt” factor.

3. Sexual Activity/Encounters. Men lying about their sexual experience has always been high up in list. If you dare to ask your husband, boyfriend, fiance about his sexual encounters then you will want to remember this formula. Number of partners divide by 2 then subtract 3, this will be his exact number of sexual partners.

2. Penis Size. The glorious lie about the size of your “johnson”. In a guys mind, the length of a man’s “inch worm willy” is very, very important. But, penis size should really not be this high on the list. Men associate their sexual identity based on the size of their penis. Women sometimes associate their sexuality based on the size of their “melons”. My wife has always said that women have it harder than men because their ”fun bags” can be seen and criticized by everyone. Men’s penis size is typically not out in public view for everyone to judge and criticize.



Drum roll………..please



1. Masturbating! 99.9999% of all men masturbate. All ages of men masturbate, from 13 to 93 years old. A man could be in a sexually full-filled relationship with Angeline Jolie or Padma Lakshmi (Top Chef) and they would still be ”jerking the gerkin”. This category also includes lying about the frequency of masturbating. I’ve got another formula for you. If you have the guts to ask your man when was the last time he masturbated. Just ask him how many “days” it has been since you last masturbated. You should replace “days” with “minutes”. For example, “Sweetheart it has been 60 days since I last polished the knob”. Really what he means it has been just 60 minutes ago.

I hope you enjoyed this list. Do you disagree or agree with the top 10? Please feel free to contribute your “TOP 10″ list of what guys lie about. I will share all comments on this post. Click on comments link right under this.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL - that one suprised me! I am also honestly suprised that lying about relationships or the status of their relationship didn't make the list!

Unknown said...

I thought that would be the #1 thing...I think if women were polled, they would probably lie about that as well!

Love your show, I make sure I listen every morning...gives me the will to live and to get into work somewhat on time.

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,

Beth Gaffney
Fredericksburg, VA
Egaff64@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

Back to #2... when I'm measuring, should I measure along the top? or can I go under, and wrap along the backside up to my neck?

/that's how I do it.