Congress is holding hearings this week to investigate the Muslim extremist threat in the U.S. That threat could be closer than you think. Check out the Top Signs Your Next Door Neighbor is a Muslim Extremist.
He hates America even when he's not watching Chelsea Handler.
Whenever you ask what he's been up to lately, he responds, "Oh, you know, just studying blueprints to federal buildings."
Instead of yelling at kids who walk on his yard, he beheads them.
You recognize the distinct stench of goat sex.
He lives in deathly fear of Toby Keith.
You mistakenly get his copy of "Muslim Extremist Monthly" in the mail.
He's always asking to borrow a cup of nitroglycerin.
You catch him shooting a "training video" on your kids' monkey bars with a Betamax camera from 1984.
The last time your wife tried to pick up his son for carpool, she got stoned to death.
He keeps "accidentally" firing mortars at the Jewish family down the street.
He casually asks if you know a local hardware store where he can buy 15 tons of fertilizer.
You're pretty sure you just saw Dick Cheney sneak into his house with a homemade waterboard.
He just smacked you in the face for questioning whether Islam is really a religion that preaches peace.
When you ask if he saw last night's "Desperate Housewives", he hurls a Koran at you and declares a fatwa on your family.
He refers to you and your wife as "Mr. and Mrs. Infidel."
Sean Penn loves them.
There's a camel on blocks in the driveway.
For the first three years he lived next door, you thought his wife was a beekeeper.
He's always getting mail from flight school, asking if he wants to finish the second half of the course.
The guy dressed as Osama Bin Laden at his Halloween party, was really Osama Bin Laden.
When you tell him his car is "Da Bomb," he says, "How did you know?"
His kid plays with a Jihad Joe doll.
His car has a "Shiite Happens" bumper sticker.
When you volunteer to water his plants while he's in Israel, he winks and says he's not coming back.
When you stop to borrow a cup of sugar, you find him rolling on the floor, laughing at a video of a hostage beheading.
