It was my understanding that VAMPIRES are mythical creatures with no basis in reality . . . kind of like werewolves, or LADY GAGA'S female genitalia. (???)
--But it seems I was wrong. Just ask 45-year-old Jonathon Sharkey of Tampa, Florida. Jonathon says he's a direct descendent of Vlad the Impaler . . . better known as DRACULA. That would make Jonathon a vampire too.
--But Jonathon doesn't want to be just any old vampire. He wants to be the first vampire president of the United States. And yesterday, he called a press conference to announce his candidacy in the 2012 election.
--Jonathon used to consider himself an Independent, but after much soul-searching, he recently switched his party affiliation to Republican. (--Making him the G.O.P.'s second-most diabolical presidential hopeful after SARAH PALIN. HI-YO!)
--According to a party official in Florida, quote, "He does believe in Republican values. Is he going to make a big splash with his current identification of being a vampire? That's up to the voters to decide."
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